Pride Flag 2022

Everyone Asks Me to Talk About Pronouns

by Hannah Jones (featured in Southern Tier Life)

We wish identity wasn’t a label
We crave labels to let us go
Unwrap us
Release us

To find purpose outside of a construct
But to label ourselves
Empowers the soul
Empowers the identity
And changes our world.

It is important to start off by explaining that I am not upset by this question, rather I hope to
empower folks to do more research for their journey as an ally.

It is important to start off by saying that if you have not thought about, had to define, or do not
understand pronouns, there is a privileged part to your identity.

It is important to start off by knowing LGBTQIA+ as separate identities.
I wish to invite you into this conversation.

For those of you who are fellow LGBTQIA+ folks, please know that I am not all of us. I am not
every identity. I am a cis-gendered queer white woman. Therefore, I only wish to help others
with the conversation, not speak for us all.

Talking about sexuality, sexual orientation, and gender is critical for our society to re-define and
empower ourselves out of traditionally homophobic, transphobic, sexist, etc. ways that proceed
us all and continue to be in our day to day conversations. In my life, I am constantly asked,
“what’s the deal with pronouns?” So let’s start here.

I am here to tell you that the importance of pronouns can change someone’s life. Using
someone’s right pronouns or not using their wrong ones, can be the first time someone has ever
been seen, heard, respected. It can, quite literally, save a life.

So how do we remember pronouns? How do we not mess up? How do we not create an
embarrassing moment? We are asking the wrong questions. I want you to try and take a step
back and realize that these questions are about your own embarrassment, your own discomfort,
and that is the first step to moving past it. What we should be asking is,

How can I re-write what I have learned to be a better ally? Here’s a start!

1. Know how to say LGBTQIA+ and do some research on what each term is!

2. Don’t ask your queer friend to do the research for you. It is important that we remember
it is not the job of marginalized folks to teach you about their oppression. Rather, we
have the internet at our fingertips and we can do research BEFORE having the
conversations with our friends.

3. Open a conversation with LGBTQIA+ folks in your life is okay, but do not do it out of fear
or expectation that they are your teacher. Rather, do it with your previous research
knowledge and make sure to ask if they are in the right mindset and have energy for this
type of conversation first.

4. We can’t always ask someone about their pronouns if we aren’t asking everyone in the
room. So either, ask everyone in the room. Make it part of intros if it’s a meeting! Or use
they/them as a default. We know that this goes against your grade school English class,
but did we ever learn about marginalized folks in grade school? Time to change it.

5. Mess up! And say oops, I’m sorry. Then move on and make it a point to learn their
pronouns. We all mess up. We are human. But not everyone is able to say sorry and
change behavior, but you can!

6. Don’t assume gender. We also all do this, we are trained to, so don’t get down on
yourself. Rather, take the time to make your language non-binary (they/them) so that we
aren’t assuming gender (even to a stranger).

This is just the beginning of some helpful hints. Overall, it’s okay to be new to this and it is okay
to mess up. But we all have to do the work, and continue to do the work, for all identities. Not
everyone in the LGBTQIA+ world is the same. We are not all one identity and we are humans
who struggle due to homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc. so by taking some extra time to
learn our pronouns, you may change our day, or even just make us feel welcome.